Mum and Dad, you will be allright

I am writing this with my tears looming on my eyes. Last night, with no clue whatsoever, mum suddenly told me about her wishes if she passes away. Nothing special about the wishes actually. But the way she told me makes me very sad. She expressed her wishes with light feeling, with no burden, as if she were ready to leave us all.

Ya Allah, I have no strength at all to control what will happen. But always in my pray, I beg You to forgive the sins of my parents and place them in the best possible position. Please extend Your rahman and rahiim to both of them, like they extended their love to all of their children.

Ya Allah, I believe that even without my pray You will always extend ultimate love and mercy to all of us. My pray is actually for my own sake. It is the pray that constructs a divine relationship between me and my parents. The loving relationship of a son to his parents, reciprocating the love of his parents to him. It is the reciprocal relationship that makes a family, a family.

Ibu and Bapak, you will be allright the Hand of the Most Merciful, wherever you are. Don't even worry about that. Meanwhile, let me continue my mission. Let me love my children like you loved us all.

My tears are falling ...

Heaven and Hell

It is said that we will meet heaven or hell later in our eternal life. Not for me. I can be in heaven or hell right now, in this period of life. I am in heaven when I do good deeds. I enter hell when I do things that are not supposed to be done. Heaven and hell is the state of self. When I am in heaven, my physical body, my mind, my feeling, ... everything is at its best possible state. The opposite is perfectly true for hell.

Heaven and hell are consequences of all things we do. For me, the effect is instantaneous. Of course I expect to be in heaven all the time. But it is very hard to do. Passion, lust, and other negative wishes often become barriers, blocking my path to my heaven, and even push me to hell. I try to learn from this heaven-hell scrolls, I try to understand the inner mechanism that works with this eternal law.

One remaining question: can I be a permanent resident of heaven, in current and future life ? If so, then I won't see hell. The concept of hell will cease to exist in my mind. Is this the ultimate goal of all humans ?