One of the reasons why I go for this trip is contemplation. I plan to retract from my daily work routines, to find a quiet place, and to start contemplating. This 3-week getaway to Manchester is a perfect opportunity, and I am doing my contemplation now. I can think things that are normally out of my priorities. I am in the most productive times for writing my book. But I also get requests from friends, asking for various kinds of help and assistance. From students asking me to review their works, friends asking my opinion for their personal problems, to colleagues requesting me to handle big business problems that I have never encountered before.
Duh Gusti...is this the result of my contemplation ? I want to scream... I want to refuse all those requests, coz all those are definitely NOT in my plan. Coz I don't want them all. But how can I avoid them ? How can I deny them ? The pattern repeats again, the call inside me is so loud and clear. It is intensifying within me... How can I despise them when every time I pray for God to make me strong and be useful for others ? How can I betray my own mission in my life ?
Ya Allah, it seems that the requests ARE the result of my contemplation. Not like what I expect, really, but my expectation does not count. Your plan that counts, ya Allah. I just pray, asking for strength and help in replying the requests. Duh Gusti, paringana kekiyatan. Only You can help me. Only You can really solve all problems. And I do believe your love to me will guide me and protect me.
I realize my tasks will not be easy. Not easy at all. But I do believe there must be a way out for every problem. A God-planned way out, the best of all alternatives.
Ya Allah...matur sembah nuwun for all You have given me. The strength, the power, the tools, the opportunities, ... everything. And I know this is my call. You have set it for me. For the goodness of other people, of myself, and of all the universe. This is your perfect plan, and I am so happy to realize that I become a tiny part of it.
I ain't screaming...instead I am smiling... and I am continuing my contemplation.
Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alamiin..